Love for one’s child is, as any mother will tell you, unlike any emotion you will have felt in your life. This is different somehow, if there is any relationship that is untouchable, it is this one; it fills your mind with memories of beautiful moments racing by. The only emotion that can come close, in my opinion is the love towards your mother, it all seems to make sense now; this is what my mother felt, I now realize.
The first flicker of love began when I was carrying my baby; little moments, when I would be going about my business and suddenly he’d give me an almighty kick, right in the ribs! It was almost as if he was saying ‘hey mummy, I’m right here, you know’.
When bubba arrived, the first thing I saw were his little hands, they were white, and the skin thin as paper, I put my finger into his palm and he held on for dear life, at that moment I felt like a giant, and helpless all at once. That’s the thing about love, feelings that don’t belong together seem to mush into one, I couldn’t understand why this was, and truthfully I didn’t want to.
The first night I had brought bubba home, I carefully laid him in his prepared cot, something I had been waiting to do for what felt like an age. I placed my hand over his little chest and sat the whole night watching him sleep, I was exhausted, but I couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep, I was terrified that if I did I wouldn’t wake up. I had to touch him, I didn’t want to move my hand away, part of me felt bereft, I wanted my bubba back inside me, I wanted him to be part of me again so I could protect him, keep him to myself, not let the world touch him. I just wasn’t ready for that.
Now my beautiful boy is 6 months old, everyday I spend with him I spot something new about him, I feel as if I have barely blinked and the little wrinkled bundle we brought home on that hot humid day has grown so much, into a wonderfully patient, happy boy, who adores kisses, and applesauce.
“Our Lord! Grant unto us…Offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes” Al-Furqan25:74